It Started Out As A Feeling
by jaenivertopleaf
Summary: Why Susan never wants to talk about Narnia anymore and why she wants to pretend it wasn't real. I know it's been done before but i've never read any of the others so hopefully mine won't be similar to them. CaspianXSusan, Movieverse and Bookverse!
1. Returning

**Okay so i've had total writers block for my other story (twilight: those eyes) and I had this story lying around. Then i got the dvd for prince caspian for christmas and just had to finish this story. i have completely written it out and if i get enough reviews i'll update the rest. it will have a total of 5 chapters and an epilogue.**

**I hope you like this story, it's about Caspian and Susan and why Susan never wants to talk about Narnia any more after she gets back. I know it's been done before but i've never read any of the others, so hopefully mine won't be like others. please enjoy and please please please review!**

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_**Returning**_

Good night girls," I said to my classmates as I opened the door to my dorm room.

"But Susan, it's still early," one of the girls said trying to keep the welcome back to school party going a bit longer.

"It's been a very long day, I'll see you tomorrow," I said stepping through the door. I held my eyes closed as I closed the door, the loud sounds of my school friends talking over the summer instantly died away and was replaced with the peaceful sounds of waves crashing on the beach.

"Wait, what?" I said out loud as I quickly opened my eyes. It was day time again, the sun was shining brightly and I was on the beach. The beach of Narnia. "But how?" I wondered again. Only hours earlier, Aslan had said that Peter and I would never return to Narnia. We had left Narnia with Edmund and Lucy, after which the boys had gone to their boarding school and Lucy and I had gone to ours. And now, I was here again. My heart leaped at the thought. From the moment we had set our feet back on the platform, I had missed Narnia. And for some silly reason I couldn't get Caspian out of my head. I instantly remembered that time moved faster here in Narnia, and I wondered how much time had passed since we left.

I looked around, orientating myself. Everything seemed familiar but different. As I turned around my eyes caught sight of something I thought I would never see again, Cair Paravel. It too looked different, so much the same that I knew it my old home. I ran up the ancient stones that looked new. I was so overcome with joy at being back that I almost ran into the guards at the door. They had crossed their spears to stop me from running through; I must have been a very strange sight, in my school clothes and smiling like a moron.

"Pardon us, madam," one of the guards spoke. He was a faun like many guards of Narnia.

"No, pardon me, I was foolish to run up here without thinking," I said stepping back from the crossed spears. "Could you tell me, please, where am I?" I had to ask, I had to be sure.

"This here is Cair Paravel," the guard spoke again.

"Then I am relieved that my eyes did not deceive me," I said relieved. "But please tell me, too, who lives here now? For the last time I saw this place it was in ruins."

"Here lives King Caspian of Narnia," the same guard said, he was apparently of a higher rank. "Cair Paravel was restored when the Kings and Queens of old went back to their world."

"Caspian lives here?" I wondered out loud, he had restored our castle to live in it himself.

"That is King Caspian, madam," the guard corrected me.

"Yes, of course, pardon my mistake," I quickly recovered. "If you would please let me through, it is important that I speak to King Caspian."

"And who might I ask are you? For your majesty is a busy man and cannot stop working because some lady asks to see him."

I smiled, the guard had yet to recognise me for who I was, "Good sir, I am Queen Susan."

The guards faces showed instant shock as they realised their behaviour had not been fit for a queen. "Don't worry, it is quite alright that you did not recognise me, for it was long ago that I and my brothers and sister ruled these lands."

As the guard regained his composure, he remembered my request to talk to Caspian, "If you will please follow me gentle Queen, I will lead you to King Caspian."

I nodded and quickly followed after the guard. As we walked through the rebuild castle I could clearly see that it was new, but it had been build with such care that I felt instantly at home again. The guard let me to the throne room, where he left me to inform Caspian of my arrival. While I waited, I looked around the room; something was different here, though it took me awhile to figure out what. Instead of the four thrones that had been standing there so many years ago, there now stood five thrones. The new throne stood in the middle and a little forward compared to the others. The room was quiet and serene, I took my time as I walked up the few steps that led to the thrones and took a seat in the one that had been mine so long ago. I felt rather strange sitting there in my school clothes; they were uncomfortable and made me look out of place.

All too soon the guard returned, without Caspian.

"Forgive me, good lady, but my king has informed me that you are not who you say you are, for Queen Susan the gentle was never to return to Narnia," the guard spoke without hesitation, trusting fully in the word from his king.

"Yes, I was never to return and yet I am here," I said softly. "However, loyal guard, I am who I say I am and therefore must request that you bring me before your king Caspian. For he might not believe my word, but he must believe his own eyes."

The guard nodded and once again retreated from the room. As I waited again, I left behind my seat and walked to the eastern doors, looking out over the sea. This time the guard returned even sooner.

"Ahum," he coughed, getting my attention. "If you will please follow me, good lady."

I did as he asked and followed him to a smaller side room. The room was filled with several more guards and counsellors, all surrounding Caspian. Caspian was staring out the window, he almost looked happy to have an intruder in this meeting, I remembered the meetings that we had with our counsellors in times of peace, and they were very boring.

"Your majesty King Caspian, I bring before you the lady who claims the name of Queen Susan," the guard said as he stepped aside to let me pass. Caspian remained staring out the window, all the counsellors and other guards had gone quiet and looked nervous.

I waited, but not long, for Caspian to turn around on his own, when he didn't, I spoke.

"Caspian, it is rude not to greet an old friend."

Instantly his head shot up straight and he quickly turned around, he must have recognised my voice. He looked at me in wonder; I looked back at him before I let my eyes glance over the counsellors and guards, reminding Caspian that they were there.

"Leave us," he spoke softly. I stepped forward, making room for them to leave the room. When finally the last one of the guards closed the door behind him, Caspian spoke again. "How? How did you get here, you said that you and Peter would never again."

"I know what we said and I don't know how I got here," I responded. "One moment I was in my dorm, going into my room, the next moment I was here on the beach."

It was only now that I had spoken of my world, when Caspian noticed my attire. His eyes got stuck at my bare legs, something not very common for women in this world.

"Caspian," I said, breaking his trance. "They are only legs, Caspian."

"Sorry, I'm not used to you looking like this," he apologized. "You really have no idea why you are here?"

"I really have no idea," I said, while Caspian kept looking me up and down. "Caspian, you wouldn't perhaps have a dress lying around?"

"Actually," he said smiling. "You will find your old rooms ready for your return."

This I had not expected. "Come on," he said as he suddenly took my hand and dragged me from the room.

We ran through the halls of Cair Paravel, up the grand stairs to the southern end of the castle. Caspian stopped at the doors that would lead into my quarters, he opened them slowly.

"Welcome home, gentle Queen of Narnia," he said, stepping aside so I could enter the room. I didn't know how he had done it, but the room was almost exactly the same as it had been.

"This is amazing Caspian," I said overjoyed at being back.

"Thank you," he answered, still standing by the door. "I shall give you some privacy."

With those few words he left the room, closing the doors behind him. I opened up the wardrobe, which was filled with gowns and other clothes. I quickly changed my clothes and was about to go back to the throne room when my eyes rested on the big bed in the middle of the room. I remembered, clearly now, how much more comfortable beds were here in Narnia then back home.

"Good Queen, you must wake for the king requests your presence at his table," a soft voice woke me from my sleep. I lazily opened my eyes and found a little squirrel looking at me. "Good you are waking," she said. When I looked around myself I noticed two more squirrels in the room.

"Tell me, good lady, how long did I sleep?" I asked the squirrel who had awoken me.

"At least five hours, my Queen," she answered humbly. "It is dinnertime now and King Caspian request you dine with him."

"Than so I shall," I said as I got up from the very comfortable bed. The squirrels, who had been appointed by Caspian to be my ladies-in-waiting, helped me prepare myself for dinner, as sleep had removed the knots from my hair.

A good half hour later I entered the grand dining room, the room was spacious however it was never empty. The long table in the centre of the room was, like always, surrounded by many creatures both Narnian and foreign.

The moment he saw me, Caspian stood rose from his seat, followed by every other being in the room. I made my way to Caspian and curtsied, he responded with a bow of his own. Someone pulled out the chair at Caspian's right side and he motioned for me to sit there.

Dinner lasted for over an hour, as many of my old friends had heard the news of my return. I casually chatted with each of them. After some time I silently retreated to the balcony and watched as the moon rose above the sea and the stars shone with all their might. It wasn't long till Caspian joined me on the balcony, however he remained silent. We hadn't spoken much during dinner and it seemed we both did not know what to say.

"Susan," Caspian started after awhile, "you kissed me."

I had known that he would bring that up, and it hadn't escaped my mind either. "I know," is all I said.

"Susan?" Caspian nudged me to continue

"I though I was leaving forever, never to come back," I said.

"What does that mean?" Caspian asked.

"It means that I don't know what that kiss means, I need time to think about it," I said, not at all knowing what to say anymore.

"It's been a year Susan, what's there to think about?"

"It may have been a year for you, Caspian, but for me it was only hours ago." During this entire conversation I didn't look at Caspian once.

"Only hours?" Caspian asked, he sounded shocked. "But how?"

"Time moves slower in my world, a lot slower," I answered.

"Right, I'll leave you with your thoughts then," Caspian said and started to walk away.

"Caspian wait," I said as I finally turned to face him. "We should find out why I am here. None of us has ever come here without a reason, the two previous times it was because Narnia was in trouble."

"I am sorry Susan, but I would have no idea why you have been send here again. As far as I know Narnia is still as peaceful as it was when you left," Caspian said.

"We should try and find Aslan, he will know what is going on. Have you seen him since we left?"

"He stayed for awhile after you left, he helped rebuilt Cair Paravel. But after that, no one has seen or heard of him," Caspian said.

"Then we shall have to search for him, for he will appear when he is needed," I answered, remembering how Lucy had found him last time.

"I will start on the preparations," Caspian said before he left me on the balcony.

That night I slept only a few hours, I kept remembering Caspian's words. Clearly, he, too, remembered the kiss as if it was yesterday, though it had been a year ago for him. And he wanted to know what it meant to me. Ever since that kiss, I hadn't been able to think about anything else and now I was supposed to know what it meant. I didn't have a clue. Some logic zipped into my thoughts. When one is about to leave forever, one often does the one thing that they want to do most, whether it is reasonable to do so or not. Was that true, was kissing Caspian the one thing I wanted to do most before I left Narnia forever? But then, why? Was it because I wanted to kiss Caspian, or because I wanted my first kiss to be in Narnia, or for some other not yet thought of reason, or was there no reason at all?

"Perhaps madam should stop thinking about the kiss and start thinking about the man," the soft voice startled me out of my pacing.

"Excuse me?" I snapped, before I realised it.

"Pardon me, good queen, it was not my place to speak," the sweet squirrel spoke again.

"No, pardon me, good lady, if you have any wisdom on the subject than please speak for I seem to have lost all my wisdom completely," I said as I sat down near the foot of the bed, where the squirrel was currently sitting. She seemed unsure, whether or not to speak, but with my inquisitive eyes I easily persuaded her to speak her mind.

"Like I said, gentle queen, perhaps you are focussing on the wrong subject. For a kiss consists of three things, the kiss itself, the kisser and the kissed," she explained. "Perhaps you have been focussing too much on the kiss itself and your feelings about it that you have forgotten to think about your feelings for our King."

Her words made perfect sense and I felt silly for not considering Caspian in this equation.

"Thank you for you wise words, good lady," I said as I though over her words. "It is not that I know how I feel about King Caspian, but it is wise that I should think of that. For so far I had not, and this is certainly something I will think about."

"Now, will you help me prepare, good lady, for I am to ride out soon," I asked her.

"Where will you ride to, if I might ask?" she asked as she fetched a riding dress out of the closet.

"I do not know yet, but riding helps to clear my mind and I need my mind clear so I can put it to use," I answered her. Riding had always helped me clear my mind during our rule over Narnia and I hoped that it would do so still.

"Shall you eat first, madam?"

"I shall not," I answered. I planned on bringing my bow and arrows and aim it at some fruit trees for breakfast.

I rode out that morning and didn't return until the sun was ready to set behind the mountains in the west. I spend the day practising my archery and staring out over the ocean. When I returned, I saw that Caspian and a few others were preparing to depart.

"You are leaving?" I asked Caspian as I rode up to him.

He darted around at the sound of my voice, his face looked worried but it was quickly filled with relieve. "Not anymore, we are not," he said. "You should have told someone where you were going or at least have taken someone with you."

"You were worried that I could not find my way back to Cair Paravel?" I asked him, he nodded. "Caspian, I have ruled over these lands for many years and know them very well."

"It has been over 1300 years since you ruled here, Susan. The landscape has changed during that time," he said.

"The trees remember that time though, they remember our rule and that we were good to them. Now that they are dancing again, they will never let me get lost," I told him. "Are you not yet used to Narnia being alive in every possible way, or did you forget?"

He looked at me, unsure whether or not to give up on this argument. He did, and he took his loss better than either Peter or Edmund ever had.

While we were talking, the other men that had gathered to ride out with Caspian had left our side, and we were once again alone.

"So what did you do all day?" Caspian asked to avoid an uncomfortable silence from coming between us.

"You asked me to think, so that is what I did," he smiled at my response. "I am not saying that I am done thinking or that I know what it meant." His smile faltered a little. "Please, remember Caspian, it has only been two days for me while you have had a year to think about your feelings." He nodded.

The awkward silence that Caspian had tried to prevent earlier came between us now. We spend it trying not to look at each other.

"I should change out of my riding clothes," I said eventually, breaking the silence only to quickly remove myself from the situation.

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**Please Review, just press that little button and let me know what you think and if i should upload the rest of this story.  
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	2. Searching

**I hope you liked the first chapter, here is the second.  
Oh and of course I don't own anything Narnia related, except for for this story. It all belongs to C.S. Lewis!!**

_**Searching**_

Two days later, Caspian and I sat out to search for Aslan. We had decided that it would be best to go by ourselves as Aslan had a habit of showing himself to only a few and count on them to spread the word of his return.

"Which way shall you go, King?" one of Caspian's counsellors asked him. Only few of the counsellors had agreed with our choice to go alone on this journey, they feared for the loss of their king. Caspian looked at me for an answer, for this we had not discussed.

"Which ever way the wind takes us, good counsellor," I answered the centaur. "When one wants to find Aslan or any answers, one must always follow their heart."

"Of course, good Queen," the centaur replied.

The centaur stepped back as Caspian asked, "And which way does the wind take us now?"

"Can't you feel it? It's this way," I smiled as I spurred on my horse and rode off.

Caspian followed me as I galloped away; he didn't seem to try to catch up to me, though I knew he could. For awhile I guided us south along the coastline and then west into the forest.

"You must really want to find Aslan or a way to get out of Narnia for you to ride in such a hurry," Caspian said as he, at last, caught up to me. His words were full of hurt and so too, I saw, was his face.

"It's not that I want to leave Narnia, truly it is not," I said, looking him in the eye, hoping that he would see the truth in mine. "However, I do want to know why I am here. It has never taken us more than a couple of hours to find out why were called to Narnia. But now I have been here for almost four days and I still have no idea why I am here or how I got here."

As I spoke, we made our way out of the thicket of the forest and entered upon a large field.

"Did you bring us here on purpose?" Caspian asked as he realised what this field was.

"Not really," I said. "I followed my heart and the wind and this is where it let me." We had come upon Beruna, the grounds upon we defeated the White Witch so many years ago.

"Has it been long since you were here?" Caspian asked after he dismounted.

"Depends," I smiled. His face showed misunderstanding. "It depends on which time you use; Narnia time or the time from my world. But yes, it feels like a very long time ago."

We walked across the land that so long ago was covered in blood. My feet remembered the earth and let me to the point where I had stood when I shot the dwarf that wanted to kill Edmund.

"Did you know that I shot only one arrow during the battle here?" I asked Caspian. "That dwarf was the last to die on that day."

"There was enough death on that day to last for a very long time," Caspian responded. "It doesn't matter who killed first or who killed last, too much blood was lost that day."

I slowly walked around, as the events of that day so long ago came back to my mind as if it had all happened only yesterday.

"Let's move on," I said after awhile. "This place holds no answers, only memories."

"Are you sure the memories hold no answers?"

"Not yet," I answered and Caspian nodded.

We remounted our horses and this time Caspian lead the way. He rode to the river and followed it upstream to the north. We continued in this direction for some time, sometimes talking while keeping our thought to ourselves on other times.

"Do you have a destination in mind for tonight or are we going to follow the river till nightfall?" I asked as I saw that the sun was lowering in the western sky.

"I was following the wind as you call it, but there is a decent place where we can spend the night on this path," Caspian replied.

And indeed, it didn't take long before a castle came into view. I instantly recognized it as the castle that had served as the home of Caspian's forefathers. We spurred on our horses again and quickly galloped to the castle.

"I had wondered what you had done with this place," I said as we dismounted and lead the horses into the stables.

The castle appeared empty except for a few housekeepers and a small kitchen staff.

"After Aslan restored Cair Paravel I choose it as my home instead of this castle where I was raised," Caspian explained. "For most Narnians this place holds too many unpleasant feelings, and I felt it was important to show them that I was not like my uncle. I come here sometimes, to get away from a meeting or to remember my parents."

"It seems today has been a day of memories for the both of us," I thought out loud.

"Yes, it seems so."

That night I thought about why I had taken the road to Beruna of all places. I still had a clear memory of the days when my brothers and sister and I ruled over Narnia. It had all started with that weird wardrobe and sadly it had ended there too. But so much happened between start and end, so many amazing years were spend here in Narnia. I was glad for all the years of peace we had here, compared to the few times we had had to go to war. I also clearly remembered the amount of kings and princes that asked for my hand, to become their queen. I just as clearly remembered turning them all down. None of them had ever caught my eye and Narnia had been much too dear to me to leave it behind for anyone. And now I was back in Narnia, for the third time, and I had no idea how long I could stay this time.

My thoughts wondered back to the battle of Beruna and as clear as I remembered that day, I also remembered the fear. The fear of losing those I loved, Peter and Edmund but also mister and mss Beaver and the others who had helped us to find our way in Narnia.

I had felt that fear again not too long ago when we fought with Miraz' army. I had had confidence in Peter and Edmund's skill with their sword, but I was unsure of Caspian's. When Miraz' first garrison attack I watched Caspian fight and had mentally told him to turn around when a soldier got behind him. And when I had joined their fight, I had made sure to keep a constant look out for Caspian, knowing that he had to be the future of Narnia. If it hadn't been for Lucy we would have lost the battle at Aslan's How. For it had not been the swords that won that battle, it had been the trees who had awakened from their sleep.

Two battles, we had fought, save Narnia from those who claimed it as their own. After one, we were able to stay; after the other we were meant to leave. At yet, here I was again, this time without my siblings. And so far I had spent all my time thinking. It wasn't the way I wanted to spend my time here in Narnia, but it is what Caspian had asked me to do. However, the more I though about what that kiss meant to me, the more I wondered what it meant to Caspian.

The next morning I walked through the empty castle and came upon the very place where we had last left Narnia to return to our own world. My eyes wondered from the crossed trees to the spot where I had kissed Caspian. My mind flooded with the memory, sounds and feelings returned to me as if I were back in that moment. It was then that I knew what the kiss had meant to me and why I had done it. The problem now was that I had no idea what Caspian's thoughts were on the kiss. Since I had returned he had urged me to tell him what it meant to me, but so far he had refrained from telling me what it meant to him. I decided then that before I would tell him my feelings I would find out his, for the last thing I wanted to do was make a fool out of myself.

Later that day we rode out again. I led the way to the west, were I believed the beavers ones lived. It took us only an hour to find the location of the dam that no longer existed, though the trees around it were still there. I climbed of my horse and walked around slowly, I looked at the earth underneath my feet, up at the sky above my head and the trees around me. My eyes caught sight of a small patch of earth that was soaking in sunlight; it seemed to be the only bit of this part of the forest floor that was touched by the sun. I sat down on the soft leaves that covered the rich brown earth and closing my eyes I let the sun warm my skin.

"Do you have many memories here?" Caspian's voice broke the silence of the forest. He had remained on his horse, watching me as I moved around.

I opened my eyes and saw that he had finally come off his horse and was walking towards me.

"Not many," I said. "But if it wasn't for the beavers we would have never been able to fight for Narnia, to rule it or to return to it. It were the beavers that convinced us that a big part of our destinies lay here in Narnia."

"Than all Narnians owe much to these beavers," Caspian smiled and I nodded at him. He sat down next to me and again we were silent, drinking in our surroundings. As the silence grew on I decided now would be the best time to ask him. There was no one around from whom we should keep our feelings hidden, no one to whom we were supposed to be royalties, creatures of a higher being, creatures without the need for love or emotion.

"Caspian?" I started not sure how to ask him what I needed to know.

"Yes," he answered, opening his eyes and turning to face me.

"You asked me to think because you wanted to know what our kiss meant to me," the words flowed from my mouth without hesitation now. "Will you tell me what it meant to you?"

While I spoke, Caspian's eyes left mine and wondered to the forest floor.

"I knew you would ask me that before you told me your own feelings upon it," he said. I waited for him to continue, for him to tell me his thoughts, but he remained quiet.

"Caspian?"

"After you left, all I could think about was our kiss. I blew on your horn whenever I could, trying to bring you back to Narnia. But you never came. Days passed and everyone around me moved on with their lives. I kept your horn with me where ever I was but I stopped blowing on it. It seemed that your words had been true, you were never to return to Narnia not even when your own horn called you back," Caspian spoke quietly. "One day I rode out without your horn, I had left it behind on purpose, hoping that leaving it behind would help me to move on. It didn't. The horn was the only thing of yours that I had left and leaving it behind hurt more than I could imagine. From that day I have kept the horn close to me at all times. Narnia was at peace but my heart was not. The day that you came back I blew the horn again for the first time in a long time. My counsellors had called me for another meeting as they believed that I should travel beyond the borders of Narnia, visit the neighbouring countries, and perhaps meet a woman." Caspian rolled his eyes as he spoke about his advisors. I laughed softly as I remembered our advisors who had continued to pressure Peter into marrying.

"I was in the middle of yelling at my counsellors that when I would look for a wife was my own business and not theirs when one of the palace guards came in, saying that you had finally returned to Narnia. I didn't believe him, I had wished for your return so often and always in vain." Caspian brought his eyes back to mine, he smiled. "The moment I heard your voice I was happier than I had been in a long time, though I hardly dared to believe my eyes and ears, you were really here."

I didn't know how to respond to Caspian's story. He had missed me, longed for me, and thought of me almost every moment of every day. I am sure my cheeks reddened when he gazed at me and in embarrassment I turned my eyes away from his face. After only a short moment Caspian brought his hand to my face and gently forced me to look up at him. Softly he touched his lips to mine. At the feel of his lips on mine I lost all apprehension. I knew clearly why I had kissed Caspian when I was about to leave Narnia forever. I loved him and I had not been able to leave without kissing the man I loved. And I loved him still and his lips told me that he loved me too. I threw my arms around him and kissed him back. Slowly I drew Caspian with me to the forest floor, catching the last of the afternoons' sunshine as we kept kissing. I felt his tongue on my lips and greedily opened my mouth. Never had I felt like this before. We kissed for what seemed like forever, neither one of us wanted to stop. As the sunlight left the forest floor we finally released each other from our arms. All too quickly the cold of the night swept through the forest and we hastily rode back to castle.

When morning came we had slept little for we had spent the night talking, talking of our pasts, our childhoods and our childhood dreams. I had told Caspian more about our world, he couldn't imagine things like trains and automobiles or factories.

"Where shall we ride to today?" Caspian asked as we saddled our horses.

"Cair Paravel seems like the right place to go home to," I answered.

"Don't you want to find Aslan anymore and find out why you are here?"

"I think I already know why I am here," I smiled at him, though he looked quizzical. "You called me here; you called for me when I could be the answer to a problem."

"But the horn never worked before, why would it work this time and not before. I needed you before too," Caspian said.

"You thought you needed me before, but you didn't, not really. This time not only you needed me, Narnia needed me to return and so I returned."

It seemed that the true reason for my return finally reached Caspian's brain, for suddenly his face was all smiles and sparkles in his eyes. He had needed me; Narnia had needed me, to be with him.

Caspian rode quickly back to Cair Paravel and by nightfall we reached it. On the road we had decided to keep our relationship to ourselves for now to see if our suspicions for my return were correct, without the whole of Narnia intervening and gossiping. This, however, meant that we could not openly display our affection, which was hard on both of us.

The moment we reached Cair Paravel we started to play our roles, those of present king and ancient queen, though befriended not attached to each other.

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	3. Realising

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Hey, thanks to those who reviewed and stuff. I hope you like this next chapter and again please review.

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_**Realising**_

Walking through the castle halls had become rather awkward, whenever Caspian and I passed each other neither one of us could stop smiling. Sometimes he'd slip a piece of parchment in my hand, asking me to meet him secretly.

My ladies-in-waiting were far too clever not to recognise the change in both Caspian and myself.

"My lady seems much happier than before searching for Aslan, though you did not find him," my chief lady in waiting said as she was brushing my hair on a morning a week after we returned.

"Your eyes, good lady, see more than they should," I told her.

"I am sorry my queen, it shall not happen again," she reprimanded herself.

"Don't worry, please," I said smiling at her in the mirror. "It is hard to keep secrets, but before we inform the gentle people of Narnia, we must first know for ourselves what it is that we are feeling."

"King Caspian and the gentle Queen are very wise," she agreed. "Though keeping secrets in extremely hard in a place where even the smallest mouse can see, hear and tell a story."

"Very true, and we do not like to keep secrets at that, however certain things must be clear in order for the people of Narnia not to be disappointed in the end," I explained.  
"Very wise indeed," she said, agreeing with me again.

"Now fix my hair for I am to ride out this morning," I smiled happily.

"Will you ride alone again, my queen?"

"Perhaps."

I rode to the secluded beach at a steady pass and smiled as I saw Caspian's horse grazing on a small patch of grass. I lead my own horse to join the other and continued to the water's edge by foot. He stood in the water, staring out at the wide ocean. I watched him standing there; I could look at him for hours without getting bored. But I knew we didn't have hours, not yet.

"Should I join you in the water?" I asked softly.

Caspian quickly turned around; smiling broadly he walked out of the water. As he reached me, he let his hand cup my face. "We wouldn't want you to ruin that dress no would we," he smiled. He took my hand in his and guided us away from the shoreline. We sat down on the warm sand and watched the calm ocean together.

"It's so beautiful," I said.

"So are you," Caspian said as he guided my face to look at him.

I was able to form a smile on my face before Caspian kissed me. At first the kiss was soft but it grew more urgent as we both realised that our time here on this beach was limited. That all too soon we had to return to the castle and go back to our roles as king and queen of Narnia. We came up for air a few minutes later; I stared at the clear blue sky.

"I can't do this anymore," I said slowly.

"I could do this forever," Caspian said as he hovered above my face and smiled.

"I wasn't talking about kissing you."

"Good," Caspian answered as he again placed his lips on mine. I smiled unwillingly into the kiss. I loved kissing Caspian but we needed to talk. We had decided that we wanted to keep our relationship a secret so we could be sure that I had returned to Narnia for something as selfish as our love. But by now I was sure, sure that this was what I wanted and if anything came in our way we would find a way to stay together.

Slowly I pushed Caspian away from my lips. He mistook my actions for being in need of air and so he continued to kiss me wherever he could. His actions made it hard to concentrate. But I didn't want to have this conversation inside the castle walls and I wanted to have it as soon as possible.

"Caspian stop," I breathed. He didn't listen. "Please stop for a moment." He did stop, only to rest his head on my heart, listening to its rapid beating.

"Caspian I can't do this anymore, I can't keep lying and sneaking around."

"I know it is hard," he answered. "But what else can we do?"

"We wanted to be sure before we told our people, and I am sure Caspian. Aren't you?"

"I was sure since the moment you first kissed me. I knew then that it was you that I wanted to be with and I even when I thought you would never come back, I still hoped that you would."

"Then why are we still hiding? If we both only want each other, why are we still hiding our feelings from our people?"

"What if by some strange way you are taken back to your own world again? What do we do then?"

"Do you really want to live like that? I don't. If I was to have to return to my own world someday than I would hope that I made the most of my time here. I don't want to have any regrets of how I spend my time," I spoke passionately for I knew it was true. Caspian had raised himself of off my chest and held himself inches above myself.

"Are you positive that this is how you want to spend your time then?" he asked.

"I am more than positive that I want all my time with you. Every possible minute, I don't want to waist our time together anymore."

"Good," he said again, before he kissed me again. "You don't mind staying here for a little bit longer though, do you?"

"As long as you are here with me," I couldn't even finish my sentence for Caspian's' lips were again attached to mine.

We spend the entire morning at the beach and on the way back to the castle we discussed how we were going to tell our people. We couldn't really decide on what the proper way was and by the time we reached the castle we figured we would just be ourselves and let the people decide what they were seeing. We were no longer going to lie and if anyone were to ask us out right we would most certainly tell them the truth.

Caspian helped me of my horse when we reached the castle stables and he kissed my hand as we walked up the stairs. When we had to part to go to our own rooms he pulled me to him quickly and kissed me. I didn't hold back either, I kissed him back without reserve. We smiled at each other when we finally broke apart. We lingered at the top of the stairs as Caspian caressed my cheeks. After another quick kiss we finally separated our ways.

As I entered my room my three ladies-in-waiting were lined up at the end of the bed, waiting for me and looking at me with inquisitive eyes. I ignored their stares and sat down in front of the mirror, slowly brushing my hair. I heard a soft sigh of defeat as my chief lady in waiting gave up her place at the end of the bed and walked over to me. She took the brush out of my hands and, though now pointedly avoiding my gaze, she brushed my hair until it was as smooth as silk. The other ladies had taken a fresh garment out of the closet and spread it out on the bed. In silence they dressed me and even though I was more than willing to talk to them about the decision Caspian and I had made, I too kept quiet, waiting for them to ask the question that was clearly lying on the lips.

Before I left the room to go to lunch I had to speak my heart, "Is there something you want to ask me, my ladies?"

Hesitantly they looked into my eyes, but soon the youngest of the three bursted with anticipation. "There has been word in the corridors," she said excitedly. "They say that it has been seen that our king kissed you on the hand and not only that but, too, that he kissed you with passion and you returned it. Oh gentle Queen is it true? Are you and the king in love?" the little squirrel almost jumped up and down with joy as she had finally been able to ask the question that had been occupying her mind.

I smiled at her, for her joy mirrored my own. "Is that what you three ladies are wondering?"

They nodded, silently awaiting my answer.

"It is true. King Caspian and I are very much in love," I was so relieved that I could finally share my happiness with them; I could have screamed it from the balcony and not feel any regret.

"At last our king has found happiness, and with our noble and gentle queen, how joyous this day is," one of the other ladies said.

"You must go now, dear queen, for you must not leave our good king waiting," my chief lady spoke as she opened the door.

"You are right, I really shouldn't keep him waiting nor do I want to," I smiled as I rushed out of the room.

When I arrived at the dining hall Caspian had not yet arrived, slightly disappointed I sat down in my seat next to his. I stared out the window, dreaming of the days to come, the days I could openly spend with Caspian. Suddenly he appeared in front of me, quickly taking me out of my day dream of tomorrow to the reality of today. I smiled at him widely; he smiled back as he traced my lips with his soft fingers.

"Come," he said softly, taking hold of my hand.

"No lunch?" I asked, staring into his eyes.

"Not here," he answered showing me the basket he held in his other hand. I smiled again, quickly getting out of my seat and following him to the castle gardens. We sat down on a lavish patch of grass that bathed in the sunlight. Caspian opened the picnic basket and pulled out a bowl with fresh strawberries. He picked one of the strawberries out of the bowl and brought it to my mouth. I smiled before I enveloped my lips around the strawberry, sucking slightly on the tips of Caspian's' fingers. Before I could properly chew on the strawberry Caspian had a devilish grin on his face as he kissed me fiercely. His tongue demanded entrance to my mouth and I happily gave it to him. Too soon for my liking, Caspian drew back.

I pouted slightly as he still grinned wickedly. "These are good strawberries," he commented, chewing the strawberry which he had taken from my mouth during our kiss.

But two could play this game. "You think so, do you?" I asked Caspian as I dangled another strawberry in front of his mouth.

"Definitely," he answered, reaching for the strawberry. The moment he actually tried to bite down on it, I quickly drew it away from him and dropped it in my own mouth.

He stared at me with playful shock on his face.

"Mmm," I said. "You are right they really are good."

We continued our lunch in the sun, more kissing then eating. When the food had disappeared, we lay in the sun, happily being together.

"How many?" I asked him after we had been quiet for a few minutes.

"How many what?" he questioned confused.

"How many asked you about us?" I asked, remembering the excitement of my ladies-in-waiting.

"Oh," he responded. "None so far. Why? Have they asked you?"

"Only my ladies-in-waiting asked me, and only when I prompted them to ask what they were clearly wondering. Apparently there were already rumours going around the castle of you kissing me passionately and me responding with an equal amount of passion."

"Yes, news does travel fast around Cair Paravel, whether good or bad. How did they respond to the news?" Caspian asked curiously.

"They were, how to put it, overjoyed I suppose would be the best way to describe it," I smiled into the sun.

All too soon we had to return to the castle. Like this morning when we had to part our ways, we again lingered together this afternoon.

I didn't know what to do with myself during the hours which I now spend away from Caspian. I tried reading, but restlessness kept me from sitting still for long periods of time. As dinnertime finally arrived and my ladies helped me prepare, they again seemed to have a question on the tips of their tongue.

"Speak dear ladies, for your anxious glances make me nervous," I said as they worked to create an intricate pattern in my hair.

They now quickly glanced at each, still unsure, I assumed, to ask me their question. Finally the chief lady in waiting looked into my eyes via the mirror. "Word goes that that the king has already asked you to be his queen."

"Oh," I breathed, taken by surprise as I had no idea where this rumour had come from. It was not something Caspian and I had talked about yet. I must have looked disappointed, for my ladies quickly took back their question.

"We should not have bothered you with castle rumour, gentle queen," one of them said softly, focusing back on my hair.

"It is quite alright, really," I reassured them. "It's just that this rumour is not yet true, while the one you asked me about earlier today had been founded in truth."

"But you do think he will, my queen," the youngest asked quickly.

"I do hope so, dear one."

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	4. Vowing

**Another day, and today I'll upload the remaining chapters. Thank you all so much for reading and reviewing and faving and such :D  
Enjoy this chapter and review please.**

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_Vowing_

As the question my ladies had asked me found a permanent residence in my thoughts, I realised that marriage was what I wanted for myself and Caspian. Even though we had only been together for such a short time, I knew that he had been waiting for me to return ever since I had left Narnia with Peter, Edmund and Lucy. My feelings for Caspian were stronger than I could imagine and still they appeared to be increasing every time we were together or even whenever I thought of him.

I never mentioned my ladies' question to Caspian, I was sure he would mention marriage when he thought the time was right. For now, with most of our people still unaware of our relationship, it was still far too soon to discus the subject.

Only days after we had decided to publicly show our affection to each other Caspian was to receive several audiences from inhabitants of Narnia. An audience gives Caspian the opportunity to truly know what is going on with his people, it is a time when the Narnians can speak freely to their king. Though today so many Narnians had requested an audience with their king that it would probably take Caspian all day to talk to all of them. This meant that I had to spend the day alone. As the sun reached its highest point in the sky I was utterly bored. I had tried reading; riding and I had even taken a morning swim in the ocean. Nothing seemed able to keep my mind away from Caspian. As I lay on my bed, staring at the ceiling, someone knocked on the door to my chambers. I rose from the bed and took a seat near the window.

"Enter," I spoke, when I was sure I looked presentable.

One of Caspian's' counsellors entered the room and bowed before he spoke to me, "Gentle Queen Susan, King Caspian requests you join him in the throne room."

Confused I looked at the counsellor, "How so, good counsellor?"

"It appears, good queen, that your people wish to speak not only to their king but to their queen as well," he answered.

"Then I shall speak with them," I answered. The counsellor left my chamber again as my ladies entered.

Half an hour later I entered the throne room, it became unusually quiet as I walked up to Caspian, who was sitting in his throne. We smiled at each other and as I passed him I stroked my hand from Caspian's' fingertips to his shoulder. I took a seat in my throne which remained slightly behind Caspian's'. I smiled at the Narnians as I nodded for them to continue whatever they were discussing with their king.

"Will you speak of it now then good king?" a small beaver asked curiously.

"Yes I will, dear beaver. But perhaps we should first inform Queen Susan of the reasons for which she was asked here," Caspian answered. The beaver and many other Narnians nodded in concurrence. "You asked me earlier if the rumours were true," Caspian said to the beaver. "You asked if there was truth in the stories that were being told about Queen Susan and myself. You did not mention what these stories were, however, we can hazard a guess here for we, too, have heard stories. Some of which are true and some of which are not or not yet." Caspian paused as many of the Narnians held joyous looks on their faces. I took the moment to rise from my throne and stand next to Caspian.

"It is true," I said. "King Caspian and I have fallen for each other with quite a passion. Our love is still young, and though we at first had decided to keep our feelings for each between the two of us, we quickly realised that that was not what we wanted. And so we decided to openly display our affection for each other, this has given us much joy. However, please understand that as our love is still young, it needs time to grow strong roots." Caspian's' arm snaked around my back, gently resting on my hips. "So what we ask of you, my dear Narnians," I continued, "is time and patience."

I could see that some of the older female Narnians had tears of joy in their eyes; their king had found someone he could perhaps share his life with. Most of the Narnians in front of us appeared happy with our news, while a few seemed unsure of what his could mean. I understood their insecurities, for how could we know for sure that I was truly meant to stay this time, when only a little over a year ago they had heard me say that I was never to return to Narnia. I hoped that time would show them what it was showing both Caspian and myself, we may never know how much time we have together in which ever life, but we must spend all our time in the best possible way. And for Caspian and myself that meant we had to spend our time together.

As we had answered the question that appeared to be on the minds of most of those who had come today, it became clear that we would be able to spend the rest of the afternoon together enjoying the beautiful day outside.

Though we wanted to spend every single minute of every day at each others sides, Caspian was still king and his country needed him as well. While Caspian went to meetings with his counsellors, I spend my time delving into the history books. I wanted to know what had happened to Narnia after my brothers and sister and I had left for the first time. It was difficult to read the ancient pages that told stories of our rule and our altercations with other lands. It was even harder to read about what had happened to our beloved land when we had left so suddenly. With no one there to lead the country and the army, it soon fell pray to outsiders. As I looked up from the pages of the ancient book in front of me I noticed how darkness had covered the world outside the library windows. I had surrounded myself with candles, desperate to learn more about what had happened. At times there was nothing, not even a single mentioning of Narnia's existence for over a hundred years. It hurt me deeply to see what our departure had caused. Drained, I lay my head down on the old pages that had no comfort for me. I closed my eyes as I remembered the state Narnia had been in the last time we returned. I dreamed of the first time I had met Caspian and the look we had shared together as he noted that we were not what he had expected. I also dreamed of all the other little moments I had shared with Caspian while my brothers and sister were still here.

As I woke up I realised I was no longer in the comfy library chair in which I had fallen asleep. Instead I found myself in a warm and comfortable bed, though it wasn't my own. I, too, noticed the strong arm that was wrapped around my waist and the muscled chest that slowly moved with deep breaths, against my back. Closing my eyes again, I relished where I was because it was exactly where I wanted to be, in Caspian's arms.

Without stirring Caspian I turned around in his arms so I could watch his face as he slept. His face was more relaxed than I had ever seen it and he had a smile on his face. It made me hope he was having a good dream. Gently I trailed my fingertips across the side of his face, I both wanted him to wake and continue sleeping. The sun wasn't up yet and so neither were the people in the castle. Slowly his eyes fluttered open and the smile on his face became more pronounced as he saw me watching him.

"Sleep," he whispered as he pulled me closer and rolled over onto his back, letting my head rest on his chest. I did as he asked and closed my eyes again, quickly falling asleep with the slight rise and fall of his chest.

Quite some time must have past, for as I woke up with Caspian's hand stroking through my long hair, the sun was already beaming warmly through the windows. I splayed my hand out over Caspian's chest and gently trailed my fingers over the scars that remained there.

"Morning," Caspian breathed quietly, as he noticed I was awake.

"Hmm," I answered, not quite ready to admit being awake as it would mean that we would have to leave his comfortable bed.

We lay there together in silence, enjoying the time we had together. I moved to lay my entire body on top of his and placed my arms, crossed over each other, under my chin; looking at Caspian's face.

"I like this," I said.

"What?" he asked.

"Waking up with your arms around me," I answered softly.

"Yes, I like it to. I like it a lot actually, you should definitely wake up here more often," Caspian smiled brightly staring into my eyes.

"I'd like that."

"You shouldn't fall asleep in the library," Caspian said. "Especially not with tears staining your cheeks."

"I was reading and I was sad, I still can't believe what happened to Narnia after we left, I feel so guilty."

"Don't feel guilty, my love," Caspian said. "You came back after all, when Narnia really needed you and you came back again when I needed you."

"That still doesn't excuse how we left this world; there was no one to take over from us, no one to inherit our leadership over this beautiful place."

"Don't worry, I won't let you leave again, not like that," Caspian assured me.

"Do you promise?"

"Of course I do, I won't ever let you leave," he smiled.

"Thank you," I said, placing my head back on his chest and listening to the steady beat of his heart.

"Will you promise me something too?" Caspian asked quietly.

"Anything," I answered.

"No, don't say that without knowing what I'm about to ask you," he said. "I know this might seem soon to you, but I've been waiting for you. Hoping that you would return even when you said you wouldn't. And you said you didn't want to waist any of our time together and I don't either."

"Caspian, you are rambling," I chuckled softly. "Just ask me what it is you want to ask me."

"But what if I don't do this right? This should be perfect, thought through and well planned."

"Caspian, tell me, what is it?"

He took in a deep breath, I felt it as I rose and fell with his chest. "Will you be my queen? Will you marry me and stay with me in Narnia forever?"

I pretended to think about it because I knew that he thought this might be going to fast for me, but it wasn't. Marrying Caspian was what I wanted.

I moved slowly across his body until my face was directly above his, I smiled at him before I placed my lips onto his and kissed him. I traced my tongue along his lips and he opened himself to me.

Minutes later we separated, both needing air.

"You know," Caspian said. "That wasn't really an answer to my question."

I smiled brightly now, "Yes Caspian, I will marry you. I will stay with you forever."

"Good," he grinned, before bringing his lips back to my own. I let him kiss me for only a short while before I pulled away from him. He looked disappointed and pouted his lips slightly.

I almost gave in, but my brain got the better of me. So instead I shook my head and smiled.

"Come," I said, though he looked at me questionably. "We must inform the Narnians of our promises."

Still a little begrudgingly to actually get out of the warm bed, Caspian took hold of the hand I held out to him. I headed straight for the door; however, Caspian quickly turned me around.

"Should we not get dressed first?" he asked.

I remembered than, as I stared at his bare torso, that he in fact wasn't very many clothing. I bit my lower lip in order to stop myself to go over to him, to kiss him again.

"Perhaps you should, you are far too distracting this way," I answered him.

"And you are not?"

His words made me consider my own attire. I was wearing the thin, light blue, sleeveless dress, which last night had been covered by the warm robe that was now resting on one of Caspian's chairs.

"I suppose we must part our ways then, for only a little time of course," I sighed, not ready to leave his side.

"If you believe so it must be true," Caspian said, though he did the exact opposite of letting me go. He drew me back to him and coaxed his arms around my waist. He placed his forehead against my own. I gave in then, sneaking my own arms around his neck and kissing him gently.

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**So I wasn't sure whether to type out the entire wedding and decided against it, I think it's pretty clear what happens ^^  
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	5. Inheriting

**Ahh the last chapter, only the epilogue after this. Hope you like this...  
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_Inheriting_

Being married to Caspian was a rush. Even though I was sure of what I wanted I still felt unsure on the day of our wedding. A part of me had hoped to see Peter, Edmund and Lucy. But they didn't come; they probably didn't even know I was here. Their absence was the only downside of the day, for the rest had been perfect bliss. And I would continue to look back on it with the most happy of thoughts. Each morning I awoke in Caspian's arms was as happy as the one before. At least that was until that one morning.

I woke up, my head resting on Caspian's bare chest (I forbade him to where a shirt when coming to bed). I could hear birds singing outside our window as I waited for Caspian to wake. I watched him sleeping almost every morning, it never became boring. As I felt him stir, I started placing soft kisses across his chest.

He yawned slightly as he stretched into consciousness. "Did I die and go to Aslan's country?" he asked smiling.

"No love, you are still right here with me," I said as I continued across his body working my way up to his lips.

"Good, I don't ever want to be where you are not," he said as he captured my lips with his own.

We kissed slowly, softly, taking our time before we had to leave the comforts of our private room and go out into the world where we were king and queen.

"Good morning, my beautiful queen," Caspian said once we had released each others lips.

"And a good morning to you, my gorgeous husband and king," I replied.

"Will you have breakfast with me today?" Caspian asked, though we had breakfast everyday together.

Today however, the simple thought of breakfast made a putrid taste rise into my throat. I recognised the taste immediately and ran from the bed. My eyes darted around the room looking for anything that might be able to hold what was about to come out of me.

As I finally seemed to have emptied the contents of my stomach I noticed that Caspian was by my side, gently rubbing my lower back and holding my long hair away from my face. His eyes were full of worry and pain at seeing me like this.

"I'm alright now," I told him, making my voice as strong as I could while my throat was sore. "Could you bring me some water?"

He didn't say a thing, though he gently nodded his head, pushed a few escaped strands of hair behind my ears and slowly got off the ground. He moved quickly then as he soon returned with a goblet of fresh water. I smiled at him gratefully before I held the goblet to my mouth to rinse the awful taste from my mouth.

"Are you sure you are alright?" Caspian asked, still worried. He lifted me off the ground and placed me back on our bed.

"I am quite sure," I smiled again. "Though I'm afraid this might start to happen more often now."

Caspian didn't understand, his dark eyes instantly filled with fear. "What? Why?" he asked.

"I think I'm with child, Caspian," I said it softly, reading his eyes as the words settled into his brain. He went through countless emotions, shock and fear were there but they were outnumbered by far more joyful emotions.

"Are you sure?" he asked incredulously.

"All the signs are there. And that," I said indicating the vase that now held the contents of my stomach, "is just another sign."

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"I was waiting for one more sign and you just witnessed it," I told him.

We lay back down on the bed and Caspian placed his hand protectively over my stomach.

"Are you happy Caspian," I asked after we had been quiet for some time.

"Exceedingly so, though I didn't enjoy watching you empty your stomach. I wish you didn't have to go through that," he answered honestly.

"Me too," I said, placing my hand over his. That morning I was happier than I had been any of the previous mornings.

Though I was now absolutely positive of my condition, Caspian still wanted me to consult a physician. I indulged him in his carefulness, after all it was important to be absolutely sure about the possibility of a future heir.

The doctor fully agreed with me, I was with child. He did, however, urge us to keep our happy news to ourselves for now, as it was always a possibility that something went wrong during my first trimester. This meant that again we were hiding something from our people. Though it was the last thing we wanted to do, it was what was necessary. The physician estimated that I had been pregnant for almost a month; thereby we had to hold our tongues for another two months.

They were very very long months. It didn't take us very long to find out that keeping our news completely to ourselves would be impossible. Again it appeared that my ladies-in-waiting were very observing, of course it would have been hard to hide my morning sickness from them for very long. Almost anytime when someone mentioned food to me, I was in need of something to empty my stomach into. Caspian had noticed the look in my eyes every time I would have to throw up, and though he refrained from mentioning and or bringing me food, sometimes the simple lingering smell of food on his breath was enough. It caused him pain to see me like that, but of course he would never leave my side even if I asked him to. At some point the only thing I could stomach was the apples from the orchard I had once planted with my siblings.

When my ladies-in-waiting had found out about our little secret, they had rejoiced and we had decided that it was now time to enlighten our counsellors. Caspian called a meeting with them, which by itself was something he did as little as possible. We stood side-by-side as we told our counsellors that we were expecting a child.

When at last I reached my second trimester, my appetite obviously increased and my morning sickness went away. Caspian and I had been thinking for a while now how to share the news of our child with all of Narnia. It was difficult to decide on the manner but in the end we decided that the only proper way to celebrate the creation of an heir to our throne was to throw a party at which we would inform everyone of our happy news.

I took the event to dress up in one of my royal dresses one last time before I would really start showing.

Though most of those invited didn't know what the celebration was for, the throne room was filled with happily chattering voices and the gentle sway of music. Caspian was waiting for me at the top of the stairs, smiling from ear to ear. He kissed me gently as I reached his side. Linking our arms, he guided me down the stairs and into the throne room. My throne no longer stood behind Caspian's, it had been placed next to his when we had married, and we were equals. As we entered the room the music stopped and everyone turned to face us. We walked through a corridor of people and sat down in our thrones. Caspian nodded at the musicians to start playing again as I looked over the crowd that had gathered in the vast room. I saw many of our friends and happily I greeted them all. While some people stood talking to friends they hadn't seen in some time, others were dancing. I watched them in fascination for a moment, following their graceful movements.

"Will you dance with me Susan?" Caspian asked quietly from my side. We hadn't properly danced since our wedding and I had thoroughly enjoyed that experience. I smiled as Caspian took hold of my hand and pulled me from my seat. Room was made for us on the dance floor as Caspian placed his hand on my hip and I placed mine on his shoulder.

"Are you having a good time my gentle queen?" Caspian asked as we danced.

"As long as I'm in your arms I will always be more than satisfied," I answered.

"How long do you want to wait before telling them?"

"I could dance all night with you," I grinned, knowing that though maybe we wanted to, we most surely couldn't spend the entire evening dancing together.

"I agree," Caspian answered. Though when the next song ended he spoke again, "It's time my love."

"I know." Together we walked back up the steps to our seats. With one look from Caspian the musicians stopped playing once again and at seeing us standing in front of our thrones all those gathered turned silent and expectant.

"My dear friends and fellow Narnians," Caspian started. "Tonight is a joyous one, for it is one that our gentle Queen and myself have been looking forward to for quite some time now." He gave my hand a soft squeeze before he continued. "We are aware that you are all most likely rather curious as to why we have invited you all here tonight. And it is surely time now for us to share with you the reason of our gathering." Instinctively I placed my free hand over my stomach. "We are very happy to announce that Queen Susan is with child at this very moment."

A moment of silence passed before all those in attendance happily cheered at our news, outside fireworks shot into the air announcing our happy news with those who were unable to attend the celebration.

I awoke with a shock as a searing pain shot through my lower body. My eyes popped open as I gasped from the pain. It was gone as quick as it had come but it had been a pain I had been waiting for. My due date had come and gone over the course of the last week. I was glad that it was finally time, though I knew that the first shot of pain was only a sign of what would most likely be a full day of waiting while pain flashed through my body. I tried to go back to sleep while I waited for the next contraction. An hour later I was almost sure I had imagined that first flash of pain. But it was exactly then that it hit again. I kept myself from shouting out while the pain subsided. Again it took almost an hour for another contraction to come over me, it felt like I had started a slow vicious circle of pain. Three hours later my contractions were still half an hour apart but I was no longer willing to go through them in silence.

"Caspian wake up," I said as I shook his sleeping form besides me.

"Come back to sleep my love, it's not even close to morning," Caspian answered lazily, his eyes remained closed as his arms tried to pull me back to his side.

"Caspian it's time."

Those words woke him up quickly. "Are you sure?"

"I've been going through several rounds of pain over the last couple of hours Caspian, yes I'm sure!"

"I'm sorry my love," Caspian said as he gently placed his arms around my form. "Why didn't you wake me earlier?"

"What would have been the point of that?" His touch was calming me down in seconds. "This is going to take a lot of time."

"Should I call in the doctor?" Caspian asked.

"No, not yet, there is nothing he can do at this point. Just stay with me, I don't want to do this alone."

"I will always stay with you. I wish I could do this for you," Caspian whispered into my ear.

We lay awake together, softly talking as time passed. We hadn't even decided on a name for our child yet. When my contractions were only a quarter of an hour apart Caspian decided that he thought it really had become time to call the doctor. Slowly he released his gentle hold on me and left the bed. He didn't have to go further than the door, for outside of it were two guards. He sent one to get the doctor before he returned to my side. As he placed his arms back around me I caught a glimpse of his lower arm. It looked like it had been strangled as it held several red lines. I gasped as I remembered that I had been holding onto that arm when my last contraction had come.

"Caspian, did I do that?" I asked shocked.

He smiled at me and nodded. "I'm so sorry Caspian; you should have made me release your arm."

"I would do no such thing," Caspian said. "I expect that the little discomfort you have given me by holding onto my arm is only a fraction of the pain you are feeling."

"But I don't want to hurt you."

"You could never hurt me," Caspian reassured me before another contraction washed over me. Instinctively I grabbed hold of what was in reach of my arms and again it was Caspian's arm.

A few minutes later the doctor arrived and though Caspian wanted to stay by my side I asked him to leave. I had seen before that seeing me in pain made Caspian feel horrible about himself and I was sure that what I was about to go through would be my most painful experience as of yet.

"Go Caspian," I said.

"But I promised," he answered.

"I know, it's alright. Go, when you see me next we'll be parents to a beautiful child," I assured him. He looked doubtful when he kissed my forehead and slowly headed out of the room.

After that there wasn't much more for me to focus on than the pain that coursed through my body at shorter intervals every time. When it finally became time for the child to join us in this world I was relieved that it would soon be over. I was sure the entire castle could hear my screams and I could only imagine that Caspian was pacing right outside of the door. The doctor and nurses were busy urging me to push while keeping me cool and calm. As the baby finally came out into the world I didn't see the assuring face of my doctor that I had expected. He looked worried, far too worried. Another shot of pain, far worse than what I had felt before shot through my lower body. I didn't know what it was or what it meant. But the pain was increasingly strong and it didn't give way. I strained my ears to hear what the people around me were saying or to hear the cries of my child. But it was as if I had gone deaf, I could see the people around me moving frantically, screaming at each other, while I heard nothing. The pain was numbing me; it became all I could focus on. I closed my eyes and mentally wished my body to heal whatever was broken.

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**Don't kill me just yet please. Read the Epilogue!  
And of course REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW**


	6. Epilogue

**Here it is, the epilogue to my little Narnia story. I hope this epilogue brings you peace after reading the previous chapter.  
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_Epilogue_

Suddenly my pain was gone and my legs went limb, I realised I was standing and instantly sank to the ground. The floor felt wrong to my touch, it was wooden, where we had had no wooden floors in the castle. My eyes shot open with shock and took in the room I left behind almost a year and a half ago. At least that's how long it had felt to me. Outside my room I could here my classmates still cheering in the new school year. I rolled onto my side and placed my hand over my stomach.

It was empty. Tears rolled down my face in a constant flow. The pain I had felt before when I was still in Narnia was nothing compared to what I felt now. I was sure my body had died in Narnia and that this time I really was never coming back. Caspian's face flashed in front of my eyes and I realised the immenseness of the whole in my heart his absence had already created. I cried for him, my love, my husband. Losing him after only being with him for so little time, not even close to enough time, it was tearing me apart. Then the thought of what had been inside of my body only so few minutes ago. My child, a part of me and Caspian. Now, I wasn't even sure if I had heard it scream. I wasn't even sure if it was a live, or if it was a boy or a girl. My heart broke again and again as I lay on the floor for hours, crying.

The next day I didn't come out of bed, where I had only just dragged myself from lying on the cold floors all night. I realised then that my life would never again be as it should be. Never again would I be with Caspian and never would I know if my child lived without me.

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_A year later, when Lucy and Edmund return to Narnia and find themselves on the Dawn Treader._

"What a fool I am to keep you all standing here in your wet things," said Caspian. "Come on below and get changed. I'll give you my cabin of course, Lucy, but I'm afraid we have no women's clothes on board. You'll have to make do with some of mine. Lead the way, Reepicheep, like a good fellow."

"To the convenience of a lady," said Reepicheep, "even a question of honour must give way – at least for the moment—" and here he looked very hard at Eustace. But Caspian hustled them on and in a few minutes Lucy found herself passing through the door into the stern cabin. She fell in love with it at once – the three square windows that looked out on the blue, swirling water astern, the low cushioned benches round three sides of the table, the swinging silver lamp overhead (Dwarf's work, she knew at once by its exquisite delicacy) and the flat gold image of Aslan the Lion on the forward wall above the door [taken from _The Voyage of the Dawn Treader_].

Caspian took the moment alone with Lucy for everything he could. "Lucy?" he called her from examining the room. "Could you tell me how is Susan?"

"Susan?" Lucy asked surprised. Caspian nodded. Lucy's face fell as she thought of her sister. Susan had never been the same after they came back from Narnia the last time. She had been sick the first few days after, staying in bed the entire day, not wanting anything to eat. Over the last year Susan had become closed off to anyone and everyone. She would scream when someone mentioned Narnia. Saying that it was just some game they had played when they were kids and that they should grow up.

"She's healthy," Lucy said at last, finding that the only positive thing she could say at present about her sister.

Though Lucy thought it wasn't very good news Caspian appeared to think it was the best news he had heard in years. He smiled widely and Lucy thought she even saw his eyes shining a little bit.

"Could you do something for me Lucy?" Caspian asked, not quite sure if Susan had told her sister about all that had happened between her and himself.

Lucy nodded.

"Could you tell Susan, the next time you see her, that what we had been talking about the last time we spoke was in fact a boy named Rilian. That he is healthy as a horse, wise as a centaur and valiant as a mouse," Caspian finished.

"Should I know what that means?" Lucy asked, wondering if again it was something she would understand when she was older, like when Susan had kissed Caspian.

"No, you were not there when we spoke of it," Caspian laughed. "But she will understand I'm sure. Will you tell her?"

"I will Caspian," Lucy promised.

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And she kept her promise.

When Susan returned home with their parents from America, Edmund and Lucy could finally leave the house of their aunt and uncle. And though they now no longer held harmful feelings towards Eustace, their aunt and uncle were a different story. Edmund and Lucy were glad to come home and see their parents and Susan again.

In the evening of the day they came home Lucy knocked on Susan's door.

"Who is it?" Susan called from inside.

"It's me," Lucy called back. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

"I guess," Susan answered.

Lucy opened the door and saw Susan sitting at her vanity unit. Susan was brushing her hair, it was something she had started doing last year and she did it meticulously, every strand of hair got brushed a hundred times. It caused her hair to shine a perfect black, as it had whenever they had been in Narnia.

Lucy took a seat on Susan's bed, watching her face in the mirror.

"What is it you want to talk about Lucy?" Susan asked.

Lucy swallowed not quite sure how to start this topic with Susan. "I'm not sure you want to hear this, but I promised to tell you so I should right?" Lucy asked.

"When you make a promise then you have to keep it," Susan replied.

"Right, okay then," Lucy stammered. "Over the summer Edmund and I went back to Narnia, Eustace went with us, and we met Caspian again," Lucy talked fast now, hoping Susan wouldn't interrupt her. "And, well, he asked me to give you a message. I don't really understand what he means by it but he made me promise to tell you. So I will. He said to tell you that what you were talking about the last time you spoke, well it turned out to be a boy named Rilian and he is healthy and as wise as a centaur and as valiant as a mouse."

Susan had stopped brushing her hair, now starring at Lucy's face, who was staring at the floor, in the mirror in shock.

"What did you say?" Susan gasped.

"I know you don't want to talk about Narnia anymore Su, but you know it wasn't just a game we played. You know it is real, as real as you and me. And you just said that I had to keep my promises, so I had to tell you what Caspian asked me to tell you," Lucy continued to ramble.

"Yes, I know, that's not what I mean. I mean what did Caspian say? Go slower Lu," Susan urged.

"Oh, uhm he said that the last thing you were talking about when you were there turned out to be a boy named Rilian," Lucy repeated slower this time. "And apparently he's healthy, wise and valiant."

"How much time had passed since you were in Narnia before?" Susan asked.

"Since when do you want to talk about Narnia again?" Lucy asked confused.

"Never mind that, just tell me how much time passed."

"Three years, at least that's what Caspian told us."

"And how was Caspian? Is he alright?" Susan asked.

"Yeah I think so, at first he was different from before. He didn't look as happy and then he asked about you and then out of nowhere he was constantly smiling. It was really weird," Lucy answered.

Susan smiled, too, now. She smiled wider than she had in over a year's time. "Good," Susan replied as she picked up her brush again.

Lucy left Susan alone again, though she could have sworn she heard Susan whisper to herself, "A boy, a healthy, strong boy."

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**So tell me what do you think? I tried to make the story fit into the original books as best as possible, did I succeed? I know it's not the happiest ending I could have thought of but I do think it fits the rests of the books. And yes I know Susan isn't really Rilian's mom in the books, but hey is raised without a mother anyway, since she gets killed by some witch or something.  
This is the very first story i've ever actually finished, still have loads of unfinished stories (both fanfics and originals) lying around and I'm kinda proud of myself for finishing this.  
Please Review, I really love reading them, they tend to make my day a lot better!!**

**Thanks for reading!!**


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